Are you getting ready to buy your first home? Or are you already in the middle of this exciting, complicated, and sometimes scary process?

Buying your first home can be a really stressful time. It’s a major financial and life decision that will impact a person, couple, or family for years.

Doubts and questions can continuously run through your mind like:

• Am I ready? Or are we ready? (if you’re buying your first house with your wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, or anyone else.)
• What if I can’t get a mortgage?
• What if my credit isn’t good enough?
• What if we screw something up in the process because we don’t know what we’re doing?
• What if we can’t find a house?
• What if we pay too much for a house?
• What if there are termites, mold, rats, ghosts-lol, water damage, a falling roof, etc?
• What if we lose our jobs after we’ve bought the house?
• How will we pay the mortgage – and our bills?
• What will happen to us?
• And on and on.

These are all pretty common concerns. Especially since buying a home is often the largest purchase the average American will experience in their lives.

A study conducted by homes.com showed that two in five first-time homebuyers describe purchasing a new home as ‘the most stressful event in modern life’.

But, here’s the thing: All of those worries and fears don’t have to overtake you.

In this article, we’re going to give you plenty of advice on dealing with all you’re going through right now as you hunt for the perfect first home. And hopefully help you make this special milestone a positive one.

Here are 12 Tips to Handle First-Time Homebuyer Stress

1. Get Financially Strong Before You Start Looking

What do athletes do before a big competition or game?

• They practice.
• They work out.
• They eat right.
• They get their bodies ready.
• They get their minds ready.

In fact, those are the kinds of things we do when we want to be successful in any big event and endeavor in our lives.

We plan, we prepare, and we get ourselves ready.

That’s the attitude you have to take when you’re getting ready to buy your first home. And if you’re already halfway through the process, you can still work on these things.

This article isn’t diving into the nitty gritty of getting financially strong before the biggest purchase of your life. There’ll be another article on that coming soon.

Here we’re just giving you some basics, like creating a detailed financial plan. This is the perfect place to start.

You don’t need a fancy accounting program, software, or even specific forms and worksheets. A plain old notebook and calculator will do.

The key here isn’t to try and create a formal financial plan that an accountant would draw up. It doesn’t matter how it looks.

Instead, the most important thing is to get EVERYTHING to do with your money out on paper – and run the numbers. You can call this a budget if you like. It doesn’t matter what you call it.

Include things like:

• What you currently make in income and from other sources.
• What you currently spend – include it all.
• Put another way: what comes in vs. what goes out every week/month.
• What your current spending habits are.
• What are your saving habits; investing habits; income generating habits.
• How you can improve all of these habits.
• Your current debt.
• Your plan to pay it down.
• How much you are currently saving for a house.
• How much you want to spend on a house.
• What you will need to buy for your new home.
• What bills you will have as a homeowner.
• What you’ll do to increase your income.
• Etc.

These are just some basic ideas to get you started. Then, instead of having this be just a ‘one and done’, make it a useful tool you’ll use regularly.

Get in the habit of running your numbers often.

This financial plan will go a long way in alleviating the stress that goes along with buying your first home. Replacing fuzzy numbers swirling around in your head with solid ones down on paper really helps.

The clarity you’ll gain will not only help you focus more on your financial goals, it will help you make better decisions, lessen some of the risk, and will give you much needed confidence as you go through this process.

2. Get Pre-Approved

You can certainly start looking for homes online and even crash some Saturday open houses before you get pre-approved for a mortgage.

In our opinion, house hunting should be fun. So, if you like exploring house styles, room sizes, prices, neighborhoods, etc. – go for it.

You can learn a lot about the housing market and about your wants and needs this way.

But, when you decide to officially start house hunting, you’re going to need to get pre-approved.

Because falling in love with houses you can’t afford or you can’t place offers on yet because you don’t have a pre-approval in hand – is extremely frustrating and stressful.

Just like you gain clarity and confidence when you have a plan for your finances before you start home shopping – it’s the same with getting pre-approved.

Finding a good lender is the first step. He or she will go over all of the different types of mortgage out there and discuss with you the best options.

In simple terms, they’ll check your credit score, income, savings, and debt-to-income ratio. Then once they’re confident you can pay the mortgage back, they’ll pre-approve you up to a certain amount.

Then you’ll know exactly how much you can spend on a house. But, read on. Tip #3 is directly tied to your pre-approval.

3. Stay Within Your Budget

We can’t stress this one enough. If you are pre approved for $400,000, you would naturally want to look at houses that are priced at $400,000, right?

But, don’t do it.

We know it’s hard not to look at homes at the top of your price range. Who wants to look at the fixer-uppers below that?

But in this seller’s market, homes are more often than not going for over the asking price. Sometimes well over. In fact, $50,000 – $100,000 over is becoming the norm in some markets at some price points.

So, finding a home at $400,000 (the top of your budget) gives you no room to offer above asking if there are multiple offers on the table.

Besides this, you need to make sure you have enough money for all of the costs that go along with purchasing a home.

Things like:

• Earnest Deposit
• Mortgage Down Payment
• Home Inspection
• Attorney’s Fee
• Appraisal
• Title Insurance
• Closings Costs
• Moving Costs

So do yourself a huge favor and start falling in love with houses at least $20,000 – $50,000 under your pre-approval amount.

And part of this is attitude. Don’t keep bemoaning having to look at smaller homes in your correct price range.

Look at smaller homes in a new light. Appreciate their charm. Think about the positives like less space to clean and furniture to buy.

Remember: Every Man’s Home is His Castle (no matter how big or small:)

4. Educate Yourself on the Homebuying Process

If you’re reading this post, you’re doing great in this department.

Knowledge is power, right?

So, keep reading the articles here on this website. Keep reading articles on other websites about mortgages and escrow accounts and offers and all aspects of the homebuying process.

Reading surely isn’t the same as actual boots to the ground experiencing something. But, learning in any way is always empowering.

5. Find a Real Estate Agent You Trust

Your friend’s uncle is an agent who comes highly recommended. He’s been in the business for 30 years and he’s considered the best.

You excitedly sit down with him for the first time and begin to tell him all about your hopes and dreams for your first home.

And he’s about as interested as a cold plate of potatoes.

He whips out his five-page contract, reads off his list of rules you need to abide by, and informs you of all the times he cannot be disturbed.

‘But, he’s the best’, they all told you.

Our advice: keep looking.

There’s no shortage of real estate agents pretty much anywhere you live in the US. So, keep searching in your area until you find the one who’ll be the right fit for you.

We promise this process won’t take long since there are so many good ones around.

We have a great article here on finding the right one.

You want someone who is not only good at the business end of real estate transactions – but who you can tell will also listen, empathize, and educate you throughout the entire process.

6. Plan for the ‘Rollercoaster’ Moments

“Strap in and hang on!” Because highs and lows in the homebuying process are inevitable.

Did you ever win $80 bucks on a slot machine in the casino? Or $100 on a scratchy? Remember how excited you were at that moment?

Times that dollar amount by 3,000 and add in that it’s the biggest purchase of your life. That’s what it’s like getting your offer won on your dream home.

What about in middle school when you were in love with the hot boy who had his pick of ten other girls? And you lost out to the perky cheerleader who already had her braces off.

Yea, that’s what it’s like falling in love with a gorgeous house, submitting your absolute best offer among ten other competing offers, and the seller chooses a flashy cash buyer.

Losing offers, winning offers, dealing with financing, home inspections, suitable housing clauses, appraisals, etc., etc., etc., can sometimes be pretty taxing on our nerves.

The good thing is it’s not just lows. All along the way, there’s plenty to celebrate – even just small wins.

But let’s face it – this is one of the worst times for homebuyers in the country’s history. Even seasoned real estate agents haven’t seen it this bad in years.

So how can you not feel so discouraged after losing offer after offer, competing against ten other buyers for every house you want, and barely seeing any good houses coming on the market every week?

Our advice during this ‘rough ride’ right now is to bump up your self care practices as much as you can.

(Just know, too, that the housing market will change. It always does. If you can hold on and ride it out, you will find your dream home.)

In the meantime, do whatever you can right now to take care of your mind and body. Even if you have to just sneak in mini versions of them, because you’re so busy.

Do whatever practices you have or try some new ones that will allow you at times to: relax, clear your mind, soothe your nerves, and regain some lost energy and confidence.

This could mean so many different things for all of us.

For you, it could be walks in nature for exercise and to take in fresh air. It could be yoga, meditation, and/or listening to good music.

It could be pampering yourself with a body scrub and face mask. A manicure. A walk on the beach.

Jogging, tennis, playing basketball. Window shopping, starting a new art or woodworking project, sipping tea at a café. Etc., etc.

“Do something nice for yourself today. Find some quiet, sit in stillness, breathe. Put your problems on pause. You deserve a break.” Akiroq Brost

Here’s another quote we think sums it up nicely:

“Self-care is your fuel … Whatever the road ahead or the path you’ve taken, self-care is what keeps your motor running and your wheels turning.” Melissa Steginus

7. Realize House Hunting is a Marathon, Not a Sprint

On average, the home buying process usually takes around six months.

Homebuyers usually tour at least 20 properties and place four offers before theirs gets accepted.

As you can imagine, these numbers vary greatly. We’ve shown homebuying clients 60 houses and even more before they’ve landed their dream home.

And it’s not totally uncommon for someone to luck out and find their new home right away.

One thing for sure, though, is that homebuying is pretty much a long game. Even if you were to get an offer accepted right out of the gate, the average time to close on a home is 45 days.

Adding to this marathon are: full-time and part-time jobs, businesses, families, sports, holidays, birthdays, etc. etc. etc.

So, in addition to the self care practices we talked about above, make sure to continue with your usual healthy habits during this time. Like: eating right, drinking plenty of water, and getting plenty of sleep.

They seem so obvious and basic, but ones like these are what usually fall to the wayside when we’re busy and stressed.

You want to sustain yourself for the long haul.

8. Keep an Open Mind With Your Partner

Do you like modern homes and he prefers more traditional styles?  That’s ok.  We all have our own unique likes and dislikes – as well as wants and needs – for a home.

Understanding each other and compromising always goes a long way during this homebuying process.  

And one thing you’ll realize as you start looking at homes is that it can be quite an eye-opening experience.  

You might have always told yourself ever since you were a kid that you don’t like a particular style or design feature in homes.

Then after looking at ten or twenty, you find yourself gravitating towards the very thing you thought you’d never like.  It just happens sometimes.

The homebuying process is a fluid one.  Meaning, your wants, needs, goals and preferences could evolve over this time.  

Keep this in mind as you and your partner navigate this new adventure.  And sprinkle in plenty of humor and lightheartedness along the way.

9. Watch Your Thoughts

When you find yourself worried and stressed over something that’s going on in the homebuying process, stop for a few seconds and ask yourself what thoughts are running through your mind.

The thing is – they could be legitimate fears about something that went wrong or could go wrong in the process.

But, they could also be totally false, useless thoughts playing over and over again in the back of your mind that aren’t serving you at all.

Yes, buying your first home is a gigantic commitment with plenty of risks and possible disappointments that go along with it.

But, that doesn’t mean you have to be in a constant state of worry the whole way through.

If you are, work on uncovering what you keep telling yourself. For instance, do you keep saying inside that you’re not capable of handling this? That you’re not strong enough, worthy enough, smart enough, etc.?

Negative beliefs like these are usually what’s at play when we’re stressed.

The good news is that you can change them. You can replace them with empowering ones.

It doesn’t happen overnight. Because first of all, they weren’t created overnight. Little by little as you were growing up, you kept telling yourself the same things (good or bad) over and over again until they ‘stuck’.

And now you live through those beliefs.

As they say, we’re each wearing our own pair of colored glasses that we see ourselves and the world through.

The first step is awareness. It’s like taking off those glasses at times and seeing things more clearly.

Start becoming aware of what negative thoughts and beliefs are running in the back of your mind when you’re stressed.

Then start replacing them with positive statements that reflect new beliefs you want to install inside.

The trick is to use the power of repetition to solidify the new beliefs over time.

We have over 60,000 thoughts a day, according to some studies. And for an average person, 80% of them are negative. So, it’s a numbers game.

Also remember that our beliefs are stored in our subconscious minds. And our subconscious minds are 95% more powerful than our puny little conscious minds.

That’s why on a conscious level, you might know that everything will be ok if you were to lose your job in a year, after you’ve moved into your new home. You’ll get a new one, for instance.

But, your conscious mind isn’t running the show. Your subconscious mind really is.

And your subconscious mind isn’t logical. It’s just a giant storehouse of all your beliefs, memories, thoughts, feelings, and images. That’s what you’re working against when you want to change a negative belief or any mindset or habit, for that matter.

Just know it is possible!

10. Watch Your Words

When you’re talking to friends and family about how it’s going with house hunting, do you ever use words like: nightmare, hard, terrible, awful, the worst, etc.?

These dramatic words seem harmless – and in a way, they are.

But on the other hand, they could be an indication that you, my friend, have become (dare I say it?) a chronic complainer.

Sorry, someone had to tell you. It happens to the best of us. And most of us have varying degrees of this negative habit in us.

If you’d like to begin turning this around in yourself – if you’d like to become a more ‘glass is half full’ kind of person – awareness is always the best first step.

And as we all know, there’s so many benefits to becoming a more positive, less stressed and less angry person, including tons of health benefits.

Start with noticing the conversations you have with people, for instance.

Do they always seem to veer towards how awful something turned out? Or how awful the person was to you? Or how terrible the government is? Or work is? Or house hunting is? etc. etc. etc.

Stop in those moments. Remind yourself you are working on changing. And then reframe the conversation.

Replace disempowering words with ones like: challenging, exciting, easy, wild, new, etc.

Replace blame with understanding; anger with acceptance; ‘Woe is me.’ with ‘I got this!’

Little by little, these new words and these new mindsets will start seeping into your subconscious mind – and you’ll be a happier person.

11. Appreciate the Process

Did you ever notice:

• We rush through our mornings to get to work.
• We plow through our workdays to get to 5:00.
• We put up with our work weeks to get to the weekend.
• We muddle through our months to get to vacations.
• We even make it through our work years to get to retirement.

Notice a pattern in all of these?

There’s this sort of underlying assumption we’ve all been suckered into that believes parts of our lives are just steps to get through on the way to something better.

That where we are right now is not good enough, or special enough, or where we should be.

The thing is – 97% of our lives are made up of ordinary moments.

For instance, are you thinking that this house hunting process is something you have to just ‘make it through’ to get to move-in day?

Sure move-in day is going to be amazing. And so will owning your own home. But, maybe you can enjoy the process more. Savor the little moments during this time. Enjoy the journey, as the corny saying goes.

If you ever want to learn more about ‘being in your nows’, we suggest reading one of Eckhart Tolle’s books. You could also listen to him on Youtube.

“The significance is hiding in the insignificant. Appreciate everything.”
Eckhart Tolle

Here’s another quote we think sums it up:

“Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.” Omar Khayyam.

12. Practice Gratitude

It’s impossible to be stressed when you’re grateful.

Try it.

When you’re stressed, start looking around you right where you are and say to yourself:

‘Thank you for that and that and her and him and them and on and on and on and on.’

In fact, don’t stop until your mood has shifted.

The truth is no one ever solved problems by worrying about them.

But, you can clear your mind, gain perspective, and even receive much needed answers from your intuition – when you practice being grateful.

We won’t get into here, but there’s actual scientific evidence to prove it. Simply put, gratitude raises our vibration, our energy. And at our core, we’re all energy.

“Gratitude opens the door to … the power, the wisdom, the creativity of the universe.”
Deepak Chopra

Enjoy your exciting home buying journey!

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Stay tuned for more articles on all the ins and outs of homebuying for first-time homebuyers.

If you’d like to ask me any questions, email me anytime at:  paula@michaelandsullivan.com.

Or call:  774-287-5852